Tales From the Crimson Fortress

Boner

2008-12-31T15:09:00.000-08:00

This reminds me of when my father-in-law wanted to open a fishing supplies store called Master Baiter's...

New Tattoo

2008-11-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

My new tattoo on my right calf...line work with shading, going back for color in few weeks. Tattoo by Adam Potts at Acme Ink - Louisville, KY.

Toys for Tots - Motorcycle Run 11-30-08

2008-11-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

I'll be there. Bring your cold gear.

Event: Toys for Tots

Where: Louisville, KY.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Time: 12:00 - 14:00 EST

Toys for Tots
Hosted by KMA
Nov 30th 2008
Logistics Dr. Louisville, KY.
See flier for details:
http://www.kyrides.com/f/11-30-08%20toys-for-tots.jpg

In the Spirit of the Season...

2008-10-21T17:52:00.000-07:00

Here's something super creepy found over at Dinosaurs and Robots.

The New Silver Bullet

2008-10-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

So no thanks to a lady who failed to stop at her stop sign, I totaled the brand-new Yaris. I went to replace it this weekend and decided to upgrade for 2 reasons.

One - ABS, which was not standard on the Yaris and
Two - automatic windows and door locks.

So on that note, welcome the new ride, a 2009 Corolla LE (not actual photo above)...still a gas sipper, better quality, comfort and safety features for just a few more bucks.

Rock Out With Your Cock Out

2008-10-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

Bailout Wipeout

2008-09-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

pictured above: the largest one-day point drop ever for the index.

Where are all the loud mouth "Privatize Social Security" Republicans at now? Ha!

My Stories

2008-09-21T18:04:00.001-07:00

I guess I finally fit into a Hollywood demographic - Gen-X 35 yr old male, married with children, who likes sappy dramas with violent adult themes. Enter the Soap Opera Gone Wild. Despite my better judgment, I've found myself watching the new HBO Series about vampires, True Blood and the FX channel's show about a motorcycle gang, Sons of Anarchy. They both have bad actors and crappy dialogue, but the plots are as good as anything else on TV nowadays. The HBO show has lots of boobies and the motorcycle show has explosions, dead hookers, and MILF Katie Sagal.

Octoberfest, Rollergirls, Crackheads, and the Nudie Bar

2008-08-24T14:30:00.000-07:00

So last night was a weird Saturday. A friend and I went to Louisville's Volksfest, a German influenced festival resembling a mini-Oktoberfest. The beer was excellent.

As night fell and the entertainment got a little boring for me, we wandered over to Derby City Expresso for a fundraiser for Bad Penny of the Derby City Roller Girls. Upon arrival, we ran into another friend who was politely escorting an angry and verbose crackhead from the premises. My HR Guy/Parent/Peacemaker instinct kicked in and I ended up trying to calm down this asshole. I took his constant insults for about 30 minutes (to whit: I was a spoiled rich redneck, all the DCE patrons were white fags, I should respect him because he was in the Marine Corps and had a psychology degree from Old Dominion and he can fuck with me head, he hates all races, but loves Jesus and the way his Momma raised him, I need to stop pointing at him and bulshittin, etc, etc). Eventually he asked me to follow him down the block cause he, "...wanted to show me something." I walked down about 20 feet from the crowd but kept them in sight. That's when mister badass crackhead started begging me for for $25, because, "...that will help me and my baby mama until Monday." So I told him, "I can get you a job." And I can. I'm a well connected HR professional in this town and I know people that will hire people like him. As soon as he realized I wasn't going to give him cash, he started up with the insults again and so I finally broke the nice-guy attempt and just threatened to kick his ass. He rapidly fled south from there, but I kept thinking about the guy all night and into today. He wasn't the stereotypical long-time downtown crackhead that you may be imagining. He was one of these addicts that has fallen a long way in a short time. I actually believe his claims that he was an educated Marine Corps veteran by the way he said things (as crack-addled as they were), but somewhere fairly recently, his life went to shit.

So we had a few more beers at DCE, which has a kickass selection of beers (a coffee house AND a bar? YES!), and decided to end our evening at the nudie bar 1 block down the street.

The Annual Cost-of-School Rant

2008-08-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

The boy just started his sophomore year in sigh school. For those of you without the younguns, this is the basic, very minimal dollar outlay to get ONE Louisville public school sophomore ready for school:

$156.00 - Misc school fees. For example, Foreign Language - $15, English - $4, AP Classes - $30, etc, etc

$196.00 - Basic School Supplies

$60.00 - Partial school clothes shopping

$50.00 - First school lunch check

Total = $462

I originally wrote a long diatribe on backwards incentives and retarded fee structures, but I deleted it because it was too whiny.

I don't know about your school days, but I can recall many years when a trapper keeper, 7 folders, pens, pencils, notebook paper and a backpack were all I needed for school.

If It Ain't One Thing...

2008-08-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

It's another. This last few days have been a whirlwind of karmic swings...a small roller coaster of good and bad. That's a lifestyle in which I don't function very well. In fact I strive to keep my life relatively free of hi and low drama; but that wasn't in the cards the last few days.

Down - I started my new job. It is very challenging, and within my capabilities, but it's not what I expected it be. In this economy I am grateful for gainful employment though. And I'll leave it at that due to the Great Lesson of Dooce.

Down - I played phone tag with a guy all week to buy a 1973 Honda CB350 for the Ladyfriend. We agreed to meet Thursday night and he told me that I would have the first look and first bid on the bike because I was the first to call him. On the way to his house, 5 minutes after he called me to come over, he called my cell phone and told me, "Uh, dude, some other guy came by and bought the bike before you...sorry, click."

Down - I keep fish (the second generation of Shubunkin goldfish I've raised since 2000) in a small pond in my back yard. The pond pump went out, which happens every few years, so I bought a new one, drained the pond, cleaned it, refilled it, de-chlorinated it, and replaced the fish. Something went awry though as the next morning ALL 9 of the fish were dead. I threw their dead carcasses far back in the yard only to have my dog Happy retrieve them, eat them, and then roll around on their stinky remains.

Down - The cable modem crapped out and the cable guy refused to come in the house with only the boy around (we were at work) so we had to reschedule.

Up - Things are looking up. We find a second, better motorcycle on craigslist for the same amount, but it is 9 years newer then the previous one, has less miles (9000) on it than my 2003 motorycle (11000) and is in wonderful condition considering its age. I take it for a ride, haggle a few bucks off the top price and drive it away. This is not an actual picture of her new bike, a 1982 Honda CB750F Super Sport, but it looks exactly the same.

Up - Things are still going good. Me, the boy, and some good friends go to Cave City for Ladyfriend's birthday weekend/extravaganza. I counted no less then 15 ceramic-wizard-statues-hoisting-onyx-orbs.

Up - The cable guy shows up at a relatively normal time and replaces the cable modem.

Down - The boy used my bike (because his was stolen a few years ago when he left it out in the open) to run up to Walgreens and left it outside when he returned to the house. It was stolen this afternoon. We though we saw an old truck with my bike in the rear so I chased after it on Ladyfriend's new motorcycle (which is faster from 0-60 than my cruiser). I didn't catch him, but I did haul some serious ass down Grinstead Drive.

So now I'm blogging to chill the fuck out. I'm also debating whether to auction off the boy's X-box 360 as punishment and/or to recoup the cost of one stolen bike.

100 Years on Main Street: 1986-1991

2008-07-31T00:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why I have such a disconnect with America. It might be attributed to my upbringing in what should be properly qualified as a foreign country.

This is where I lived in my teen-years: La Vernia, Texas. When I lived there in the late 80's through 1991, little had changed on Chihuahua Street from this picture. For example, look at this picture, then pave the road, subtract the model T's and insert Chevy trucks. The building on the lower right used to be a popular hangout for my friends and I, a place where we played pool, jammed with our guitars and a friend of mine broke his jaw in several places after huffing model paint propellant and attempted to navigate the backdoor steps. Just out of the shot on the lower left was the original grocery store/Chevy dealership where, on the roof, my friends and I established the Anti-Redneck Club, where we smoked cigarettes, plotted revenge, hid from the Wilson County Sheriff named Walter, and spray painted shit.

Employed

2008-07-21T14:32:00.001-07:00

So for the first time since the lay-off of October 2006, I have a full-time, non-contract job, in my field of expertise. Although my most recent contract position was very rewarding and even enjoyable most times, it's nice to know that I have a little more job-security than I've had for nearly 2 years.

Late Night American Burrito Gods

2008-07-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

In Neil Gaiman's wonderful fiction masterpiece, American Gods, it is explained that the nexus of power in America is Lookout Mountain, home of Rock City, Ruby Falls, and other shitty tourist traps. The characters in the book visit similar places throughout the US (insert shameless plug for Cave City, Kentucky here) which also hold such power. An underlying premise is that although kitschy, these aging Americana icons still hold a powerful sway over spirit of America. You can still see that proof on a number of rotting barn sides damn near anywhere south of Kentucky and east of the Mississippi. They all beg you to SEE ROCK CITY - 8th Wonder of the World at Lookout Mountain or something to that effect.

These hokey spiritual powerhouses are fading and I wonder what the new, true nexus of power is in America. I think I have found it at the local late-night burrito place. Our favorite in Louisville is called La Bamba, whose mantra is that they serve burritos as big as your head...and they do. I keep finding myself there at 3am for no good reason other than I am a fat underemployed American with a penchant for greasy Mexican food. But anyway, I was reminded of this connection when I noticed a mildly humorous (but not that humorous) YouTube video that does a good job illustrating the phenomenon of Late-Night-Burrito-Place as a growing, underground spiritual power house of America (see below). For some godawful reason it inspired me to blog about American Gods and La Bamba.

The Whirlwind

2008-07-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

So I got back from my trip last Thursday night, in time to rest up for Lebowskifest last Friday and Saturday.

As usual, my trips to Texas are 50/50 mix of "glad-to-be-home" and "you-can-never-go-home". I miss certain aspects of Texas: like it being socially acceptable to buy beef jerky while wearing a tank top and sweating profusely at the gas station, being hotter but not so humid as Louisville, and family members who own lakefront beach property and generously share it with you. Things I didn't miss: the ever awkward and dreaded annual socio-political-religious lecture from my father (a mere 90 minutes long this year), the ongoing marital and social ills of my brother, and Texans in general. The ride was nice though. I got to stop and see friends in Nashville, got a nice tan and only hit a small amount of rain once in 2000+ miles of riding.

Leboskifest was fun as usual and I had a first - I did consume oat sodas (leboskifest for beer) and a Caucasian (leboskifest for a White Russian), stayed up to 3:30am, but kept myself in check enough to leave without a hangover. I think that will be a good way to end my Leboskifest days. I may go to future garden parties if the bands or feature events are interesting enough but I'm pretty much done with the main event/all weekend pass thing. This decision is not because the fest is not fun, it is very fun and if you've never gone you should go, but it's a tired idea for a guy who has been to 5 of the fests. I had my share of fun and now there is video evidence to prove it at http://theachieversmovie.com. Sign up on the website to get info on the release date.

Oh - also, last week a whole slew of people died or got fucked up. Luckily my friend Jenny was in the latter category. Jenny (aka Bad Penny) is the founder of the Derby City Roller Girls and broke her leg in several places. She's insured, but won't be able to get back to work for a while so chip in a few bucks already k? Go here for more info and spread the word.

Getchermotorunnin

2008-06-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

My contract job ended last Friday and I'm waiting on an probable job-offer, so I'm hopping on the motorcycle and heading for Texas starting tomorrow. I should be back for Lebowskifest. I may twitter anything interesting from the road - see sidebar. May the force be with me.

Privacy Schmivacy

2008-06-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying out twittering...which has nothing to do with my coffee intake nor my sexual preference. I teach a topics course on things like this a few times a year so I though it best that I keep up with the digital Jones'. Eventually I'll set up my twitter feed to go to this blog. (Update: see below, right for 'Twitter Feed')

In other nerd-news, I also started a Goodreads account and I'm LinkedIn too. Goodreads is like MySpace for bookworms and lists some of the books I've read in the last few years plus ratings and reviews. So far it is much more enjoyable and valuable than twittering. I haven't gotten much use out of LinkedIn YET, but it's becoming a nice repository for my many displaced contact lists. For this introvert, LinkedIn networking is easier than the more traditional the "kissing lots of ass" or "pretending that I like you much more than I really do" methods.

I still haven't taken the dive and switched to and/or started a Facebook profile though.

Biggest Concerns So Far:

How much shit do I want people to know about me?

Should/Do I care?

Do I edit my various profiles and accounts to avoid the inevitable car crash of readership groups...i.e. what happens when linkedin work-contacts read some expletive-laden rant on my blog?

Have I not learned the LESSON OF DOOCE?

Name for the Band Dude

2008-06-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

OK, I normally hate these, but this one is mildly entertaining. Thanks Todd.

Go to Wiki Random - this is the name of your band.

Go to Quotes random - the last four words in the last quote is the album name.

Go to Flickr 7 days interesting - the third picture, no matter what, is your cover.

So here's my band:

We're Ithyektyphus and this is our latest CD, Worst Vice Ever Invented

Well that turned out to be gross. What's your band?

Lawn Nazis

2008-04-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

Open Letter to Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Seminary and My Annoying Neighbor

Why do you Southern Baptists across the street insist on mowing your expansive lawn at 7:00am? On Monday, no less! It's bad enough that it's Monday and we're all getting over earthquake inspired sleep deprivation, but GODDAMMIT why do you seminarians have to fuck with me at 7am? I don't stroll down Albert Mohler Way at 11pm shouting drunken obscenities to your nicely tucked-in student dormitories. I could and have thought about it often, my weird ass neighbor, but I don't. Why? Because unlike you and your lawn mowing staff, I keep to myself.

You have to ask yourself Al, "When would Jesus mow?" Answer that bubba. And for the love of Christ, please adjust your mowing schedule for those of us who get laid at night, drink beer, go to bed after 10pm and/or live across the street from your shitty seminary.

Eat my ass,

Dr. Dave Chingasa
Yeti-Labs for Lawn Maintenance
Crimson Fortress

Girly Man

2008-04-14T17:54:00.001-07:00

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Jesus

2008-03-29T09:00:00.001-07:00

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

DCRG vs Blue Ridge Roller Girls - 3/22 - Louisville

2008-02-20T18:41:00.000-08:00

Buy tix now, we sold out last game!

Home Sweet Home

2007-12-11T19:12:00.000-08:00

This is the (circa) 1903 Texas homestead of my maternal lineage (The Hamiltons) going back 4 generations. The Mom and Pop (#3,4 from left) in this picture came to Texas after 20-30 years near Ft. Wayne, Indiana. Can't say as I blame them. I think they were born and raised in Germany. $20 bucks says that Mother Hamilton has a shotgun under that longcoat.

Another Photo from the Texas Gallery

2007-11-27T19:58:00.001-08:00

This is my great-great Uncle Eddie (my maternal great grandmother's brother)...early 1900's. I never met him, but did meet his brother Paul briefly once. Note the very typical, stand alone west-Texas style tornado/fruit cellar in the background. You don't see them much anymore, but neighbors with shared tornado cellars were common in west Texas up until my early childhood.

Ten Things

2007-11-27T19:07:00.000-08:00

Ladyfriend blogged this exercise and I found it somewhat risky, but irresistable. You have to say ten things to ten different people, without identifying the people or qualifying the remarks. Here goes:

1. You need to get your head screwed on straight again.
2. I really do want to kill that cat; I'm not joking.
3. It pains me to watch you fuck up your life.
4. We need to go out and raise some hell sometime.
5. Stop being a titty-baby.
6. You deserve better.
7. Keep your chin up kiddo, your best days are ahead and you don't even know it.
8. Don't piss me off. I'm thinking about kicking your ass.
9. You don't say much for a guy who won't shut the fuck up.
10. You really need to get on board with MAN-O-MANCE. Fuck that romance bullshit.

El Ocho

2007-11-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Steve C.
The assignment: To write about certain topics in blocks of 8.

8 passions in my life:

Riding my motorcycle
playing my instruments/making noise
original and inspiring music
spiritual endeavors
escape
my (very) immediate family
new friends
international travel

8 things to do before I die:

ride and maybe own a powered parachute
write a novel or decent travelogue
take Ladyfriend up in a hot air balloon
hike the Appalachian Trail or equivalent
build my own chopper
tour Europe
see the Pyramids at Giza
lose 80 lbs

8 things I often say:

Bullshit!
What the fuck were you thinking?
Hey Ladyfriend
Whatcha Doin?
Is that another new (insert article of clothing and/or purse here)?
Fuck if I know
Human Resources, Dave Speaking
This is a bunch of horse shit.

8 books I read recently (in no particular order but still off the shelf, orbiting my bed):

The Pillars of the Earth - Follett
Hunters of Dune - Herbert/Anderson
Slaughterhouse Five - Vonnegut
The Sirens of Titan - Vonnegut
Old Man's War - Scalzi
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Pirsig
Kafka on the Shore - Murukami
Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? - Philip K. Dick

8 songs that mean something to me:

Soul Craft - Bad Brains
Loud Love - Soundgarden
Free From the Chain Gang Now - Johnny Cash
Rusted Cage - Soundgarden/performed by Johnny Cash
Can I Sleep In Your Arms - Willie Nelson
The Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd
La Momma Morta (Maria Callas version) - Umberto Giordano
San Antonio Rose - Willie Nelson/Ray Price

8 qualities I look for in a friend:

Sense of humor
Creativity
Loyalty
High adventure quotient
Charisma
Life Stories
True Grit
Can/will post bail if necessary

No Theater for Old Men

2007-11-25T16:57:00.000-08:00

Last night Ladyfriend and I saw the Coen Bros. latest flick, No Country for Old Men. I have to admit that when people go apeshit over Fargo and Miller's Crossing, all I can muster is a, "s'OK, I guess." But don't get me wrong, I am a fan of the venerable brothers, but I'm more of Big Lebowski or O Brother Where Art Thou kinda fan.

That being said, No Country for Old Men is more along the Fargo line of cinema, BUT the Coen's movie-making maturity & finesse are sowcased in every aspect of the film. I won't even really go into the movie except to say that the plot, the detailed West Texas weidness of my youth, and the bad guy we're so very real in this flick. And I agree with those who are starting the THIS IS THE PERFECT MOVIE mantra. Even the ending was perfect, which brings me to the point of this blog's title.

Watch this move in a safe theater, away from the yo-yos and Federites. During the movie, they answered cell phones and emptied their empty 40's down the aisles. At the end of the movie, which was perfect by the way, several of the drunken, be-methed yo-yo's shouted, "That movie be fuckin bullshit!" The tapered ending to a perfect movie had no explosions, the good guy didn't ride off in his hotrod, but it was perfect, you'll see. Trust me. The drunken Yo-yos didn't agree and in fact were vocally angry about it. Several of us had enough of their shit to start mocking them. Ladyfriend and I shouted something like, "Fast and Furious VII was playing in the next theater Kid-Buttrock." They grabbed the crotches of their baggy, oversized, $100 sweatpants, threw us some weird gang sign, then meandered back to their momma's meth-lab/trailer, muttering, "E-dog that be some fuckin bullshit knowhati'msaying?!" Then they tried to start a fight with an elderly crackhead outside the theater, but gave up when they realized they were a bunch of pussies.

It was an old guy moment for me, the kind that I'm having more frequently lately. But I didn't expect it to happen at what I see as MY movie theater. The only one in town to host film festivals and independent flicks. Those of you who know where I'm talking about should join with me to complain about these assholes to the management. Send em back to Tonsiltown where they belong. They better stay outta my yard too dammit.

That's the Sound of the Man...

2007-11-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

...working on the chain gang. Here's another installment of iTunes - the Dirty Baker's Dozen. I'm really digging my new workplace's ample amount of private office space. For only the second time in my working life, I have a private office. This means MY music in my office, which equates to one productive Dr. Chingasa. Also, in protest of NaBloMe Month, or whatever it's called, I decided to NOT post over the last month. Selah.

1. Weber - Butthole Surfers
2. The Hellion - Judas Priest
3. Return of the Attack of the Curse of the Son of the Astro Squid - The Amino Acids
4. Il tramonto - Ennio Morricone
5. Yellow - Ken Nordine
6. For a Fistful of Dollars - Ennio Morricone
7. Hay - Butthole Surfers
8. We Will Rock You - Queen
9. I've Got a Tiger By the Tail - Buck Owens
10. Chain Gang - Sam Cooke
11. Carmina Burana: O Fortuna - Boston Symphony Orchestra & Seiji Ozawa
12. Punk Rock Girl - The Dead Milkmen
13. Last of the Mohicans Theme - Scythian

I Come From Brooklyn Cuz That's Where I'm From

2007-09-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

With the new job, I've in the New Jersey/New York City area most weekdays lately...a region of the country I'd never been before a few weeks ago. It's weird for me to see the place where so much of American culture originates and at the same time, think that I'm in a foreign country. It's not foreign to me like going to Botswana or Tannu Tuva. It's foreign like going to a church of a different denomination of the same greater religion. Same basic beliefs, different rituals, songs, and costumes. Some things frustrate me while others I wish on my home community. For example:

Why don't gas stations in NJ carry fucking beer!

Why does an economically successful state like New Jersey (relative to Kentucky) MANDATE that some poor bastard pump my gas for me?

Why don't economically challenged areas in Appalachia mandate that some poor bastard pump my gas for me?

Why is gas in Kentucky .30-.50 cents higher than in New Jersey?

Why don't we have a kick-ass train system in the Louisville area when it is the economic hub for the entire Commonwealth of Kentucky?

Why don't transportation officials in New Jersey learn that green turn signals at traffic lights are better than mile-long "jug handle" re-routes?

Well enough of that. The good news is that I got a personalized tour of NYC from my friend Steve, king of the Octaku. I may be going on another tour of NYC next week with some folks from work, and I'm planning to see Spamalot, the Duke Gardens in NJ, and the statues at Eldridge R. Johnson Park. More to come...

The Final Bout Down or Championship?

2007-09-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

My prediction was right. The final score of the season ending "Final Bout-Down" (Red Menace 78, Jackies 76) shows evidence of a tight, end of season defensive bout.

The weird thing was that they started billing it as the championship bout despite internal questioning of that nomenclature from the beginning of the season. Now I'm no expert, but "championship" implies that best two teams with equal records fight it out to determine who has the best record at the end. The best team in the NFC doesnt play the second best team in the AFL in the Superbowl right? The Menace earned and deserved this win tonight and their play was impressive, but do they deserve a championship trophy for the season? I don't think so since tonight's bout was their ONLY win all season. DCRG travel team bouts aside, the FINAL record for the Jackies is 2 wins -1 loss, the Menace, 2 losses - 1 win. Internally, the Jackies and Menace are now officially 1-1 verses each other.

So where am I going with this? Well there are two major points. First, the DCRG as a league needs to progress and reorganize damn near every aspect of its organization. The "this is our first season" excuse is no longer valid. Make up your mind to play with multiple teams or not (I say go for 4 teams and do massive recruiting this Fall, but inside sources say that ain't happening). And if you do have multiple teams, make a pre-planned structure and playoff system that is REAL. Second, don't call it a championship bout and hand out trophies when it is NOT a championship. If you wanna go that rout with 2-3 teams, then go to a cumulative point tally or a weighted average of game wins. This is so terribly disrespectful to the players, the Flat Track Derby/DIY movement, and the legitimacy of the flat track roller derby.

Luckily, the league is taking well deserved and needed a Fall hiatus and will come out in February a much different league...but will it re-emerge at all? Waiting in the wings are a handful of eager and impressive rookies that could have started play 6 weeks ago. I still don't get why they weren't drafted on to the short benches of either team. I also fear a high number of retirements due to injury and burn out as well. Critical as I may be of this season's end, I LOVE this sport and look forward to next season. Congrats to all my homies on the Red Menace for their win and kudos to my war-torn Jackies for fighting all the way to the end. Also, good thoughts, prayers, and huju to Gretel Von Slap (anyone have an update?) who went out on a stretcher during the game.

2007-08-31T11:39:00.000-07:00

Come watch the Jackie O'Nasties and the Red Menace duke it out in the showdown of the season!

Sunday, September 9th
Doors at 6pm - Bout at 7pm
Treo Roller Rink
721 Gagel Ave
Louisville, KY
$10 in advance/$15 at the door

This should make for one of the most exciting bouts so far for a variety of reasons: the normally dominating Jackies are saddled with injuries and a short bench due to retirement and baby-makin but are still chock full of undeniably talented and determined team players. Meanwhile the FORMER would-be underdogs, the Red Menace are bringing a nearly full squad, ALL of which show immense improvement everytime they take the floor, not to mention a new and noticeable swagger of confidence that should be making some Jackies nervous.

The Menace are motivated for this win. The Jackies will have to make incredibly strategic moves on the floor and in their lineups with all the "walking wounded" plus keep out of the penalty box to stop the onsluaght of the depth and motivation of the Menace. Both teams will beneft from the return of some key players that have been out: Maul St. Matthews and Da 'Ville-Ann come back to the Jackies while the MaMalicious (Co-captain) and Olivia Hurtin (I think) are back on the Red Menace roster.

Last I heard, the bout is schedule for 3, 15 min periods on this card. Expect to see some big hits and keep your ears open for some shit-talking in this game as there's rivalry, revenge, and bragging rights tied into this bout. I predict this bout to be a low-scoring defensive battle that will be within 10 points until the last 7 minutes of the last period...but the win could go to either team.

Pre-bout tickets ($10) are available at: Carmichael's on Bardstown Road and Frankfort Ave, WHY Louisville, Ultra Pop, Atomic Saucer, and Derby City Espresso.

Online tickets can be purchased at www.derbycityrollergirls.com

Notes from the Church of Dave

2007-08-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

I spent the last 2 days at Wellspring hermitage, just south of the Abbey of Gethsemani. I am not Catholic, nor a Christian in the traditional sense, but I do practice an occasional sample of the ascetic life. So for me, that means that a few times a year I do 'Zen Rounds' of sitting and walking in and around a cabin in the middle of nowhere, take a temporary vow of silence, fast, read, dream, and observe nature (highlights include: 2 deer, 1 giant blue heron, shitloads of ducks, treefrogs, loud bullfrogs, swampy algae, 5 shooting stars).

In this particular visit, I inadvertently "studied" Bokononism (thanks to the late Kurt Vonnegut and his novel Cat's Cradle) and then brushed up on my Computer Mediated Communication textbook, for my upcoming professorial debut.

This is the last weekend before I jump back into the working world again. I have been out of work for 10 months. I have been nocturnal for at least 8 of those months. I hung-up my roller-derby coach whistle last week and I'm going work-clothes shopping this weekend. My son started High School this week. I am generally nervous about the fact that I am not specifically nervous yet. And so another chapter comes to a decent close. I'll title it, The Rest, Roller-Derby, and Relaxation Days. But the air seems thick and dreadfully still. The next chapter seems to have a very heavy first page. I know from hindsight and my gut (which I trust implicitly nowadays), that times like these tend to have serious future implications.

What Would Bokonon Do?

The Road Up and the Road Down are One and the Same

2007-08-09T22:53:00.001-07:00

...said Hericlitus.

It scares the shit out of me that so many American's are blissfully unaware of the awesome size and depth of the neo-Crusader brainwashing movement sweeping the nation. For whatever reason, I've personally noticed an increasingly persistent media presence of this movement in the last few weeks. Most noticeable are the recent top-news hits espousing www.godtube.com ....and yeah, that's what you think it is (see 'Battle Cry' clip below) and a number of back-to-school stadum rallies (with the same 'Battle Cry' theme) broadcast all over cable. It's Billy Graham Revivals on Texas trailer-made crank.

Using the the truncated bible verse (quoting Jesus), "I did not come to bring peace, but a sword," they are holding stadium rallies with sheeple literally screaming 'battle cries' to the heavens while holding real swords. Now, of course, the first defense of their behavior is that the movement is one directed against "evil" and "principalities" and not against the flesh. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a child taught to carry a real sword and yell battle cries is well, violent, and in the flesh, and warped to boot. They fail to see the verse in context, which is that Jesus' message of peace was so radical, that it would split families and set country against country...which is true. I don't see how so many people see this as a charge to engage in "spiritual warfare" (their term). It can and should be read like any other parable, Zen koan, or verse from the Tao Te Ching. Its juxtaposition with his overwhelming message of peace and tolerance, should make you think deeper, not act in rage, and achieve spiritual enlightenment. In this case Jesus is saying, my message (all that other Red Letter stuff) is gonna fuck things up, even in your own familes - the love-your-neighbor-forgiveness train is bumpy, be prepared for a rough ride. It's also important to note that Jesus is carrying the sword, implying justice and vengeance is left to the divine and NOT man. It seems that modern pop-church interpretation is to just take up the sword...and yell alot apparently.

Here's the verse in better context:

"Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 10:34-39

And it's also unfortunate that these fundies don't realize that angry fundamentalists are angry fundamentalists are angry fundamentalists. Whether you call them Jihaddists or Crusaders, they all think they speak and act as the sole agents of Allah/God on Earth. I think we have more than enough of those kinds of people in world right now as is.

So here's a clip of battle cries from godtube and then a clip from the phenomenally heartbreaking documentary Jesus Camp.

Not Exactly the River Jordan

2007-08-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

O sinner let’s go down,
let’s go down
Come on down,
O sinner let’s go down,
down in the river to pray

This is probably some family member(s) getting dunked in a North Texas cattle tank circa 1920-30ish...I'm guessing from the cars and horse drawn carriages. Since Granny Dee was a devout member of the Church of Christ (and went nuts when her oldest daughter wore pants *gasp* and started the local women's softball league in the 1950s), I'm thinking this was a C of C baptism, who like Baptists, practice baptism by immersion exclusively.

Oh Yeah - I'm Gainfully Employed Again Yay!

2007-08-01T14:22:00.000-07:00

It's official. I passed the background check and Operation Golden Flow - so after 7, that's SEVEN interviews, I now have a start date as the H.R. Manager for a reputable medical supplies logistics facility. I am also an official member of the adjunt teaching staff at Spalding University. Coincidentally, my first day on the job is August 20th...that's for both jobs. That's gonna be one helluva Monday. All day at the new HR job, all evening teaching my first college course. Wish me luck!

Another Old Photo from the Texas Gallery

2007-07-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

This is another picture of my Great Uncle Paul somewhere in North Texas, probably in the 1930s. I like the straw-reinforced adobe buildings in the background - a sustainable building technique that's back in vogue for many good reasons.

The Thrilla in the Ville-a -- Sunday, August 12

2007-07-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

I'm really looking forward to this bout on 8/12 - The Hard Knox Roller Girls (Knoxville, TN) vs. The Derby City Roller Girls (Louisville, KY). I think the mostly healed and re-tooled Jackie O'Nasties have a real chance of taking anything Knoxville can throw at them (especially since a battered and short Jackie's roster STILL kicked the dogshit outta a full Clevelend team - oh, did you miss that? Tsk Tsk). I also happen to have insider knowledge that the Red Menace are seeing RED, improving strategies, and working hard towards their first win.

There are also strange rumors about a super-secret training cadre of DCRG ladies using unconventional methods to prepare for ths bout. To wit: I've heard that they recently took over the Louisville Skatepark by force, beat tractor tires with sledgehammers while cursing on a regular basis, and use leather..."toys" to spank strangers in public. NO SHIT!

Anyway, If you've missed the flat track roller derby revolution, you're missing out on a some of the most interesting chapters in sport's history, women's sports, and feminism. I hope to see you at this exciting double-header. D.C. Bomaye! Click the button below for ticket info - it's cheaper online.

Engage in Democratic 'Publicity Stunts', etc

2007-07-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

I just wrote the following letter to Minority Leader, Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky:

WAKE UP! This Veteran Says Enough!

I just read this quote of yours, "Our enemies aren't threatened by talk-a-thons, and our troops deserve better than publicity stunts," in response to the all-night debate on the atrocity you and your cronies have created in Iraq.

At least the DEMS are TRYING something. Your oil grabbing republiCANTS have yet to do something REAL about threats to the United States like getting Osama or delaring war on your corporate friends - Saudi Arabia, the country time and time again proved to be the generator of countless terrorists.

I am a veteran of the USAF and have friends who have served multiple tours in the nightmare you and your buddies created. We are sick of your bullshit. My friends and our families are being detroyed because of your flippant and ignorant foreign policy. Start engaging in the Democratic process (like these debates you call publicity stunts) and recognize the foolishness of your party's and your boy-king Bush's obvious ignorance about the art of war. Listen to the majority of your fellow Kentuckians and Americans who have had enough!

Saddam is dead, Iraq has a standing government, declare victory, pull out now...let the the Shias, Shiites, and Allah determine their own fate. Start focusing on the real issues - economic strength. People don't generally bomb people when they have good trade relations and food on the table. An impoverished Middle East only creates more problems. WAKE UP.

Now I know that in this day and age, this letter just gets some kind of meta-taggish scan for keywords and maybe produces something like this on some tab of some spreadsheet:

veteran | male | louisville | war | against | hostile | refer-to-CIA |

The more of these we send, the more likely they add up and may make a dent on some weekly piechart report that he gets.

So I'm just askin ya since I really do have active duty friends facing their 2nd, 3rd, and in some cases 4th trips to Iraq. I want to have these friends for a long time so I'm askin you to write your government peeps and let em know what's on your mind in no uncertain terms.

Oh yeah...here's a poll on another busllshit issue that McConnell is behind:

DCRG Double Header - July 8 - BE THERE!

2007-06-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

Click here for ticket information.

Shoot 'Em Up

2007-06-27T01:46:00.000-07:00

Even though I have a penis and I like boobs, I've never been a fan of the shoot 'em up and/or action flick genre of films. I thought Scarface was retarded the first time I saw it in 1983, and cannot fathom its cult-like resurgence. I could never make it though any Dirty Harry, Rambo, or Iron Eagle franchise-o-flicks. That being said, this film, appropriately titled Shoot 'Em Up, looks promising with increasingly flexible actor Paul Giamatti and a new favorite top-billed Brit since Children of Men, Clive Owen.

Great Uncle Paul

2007-06-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

I only met him once, at my great grandmother's (Cordelia "Dee" Belle Wasson/Hamilton) funeral. He was saying his last goodbye's to his oldest sister. I think he's passed on as well. For some reason, I have a lot of pictures of him and his family in this photo collection I inherited. If pictures tell a thousand words, it seems that Uncle Paul has a friendly story to tell. He's definitely a long-tall Texan. He and his wife never had natural children, but they adopted two kids, one of which was either hispanic or native american. I have multiple photos of his and family in his orchard.

I think this was his wedding suit:

I believe he's either the guy in the background or the one taking the picture of one of the sisters. Plus - what I thought was an oil well in an earlier photo is just the family homestead's windmill, seen here in the background:

My great grandmother is on the left and the tall guy is my Great Uncle Paul...with their siblings whose names I don't know:

Where Did We Go Wrong?

2007-06-18T22:33:00.000-07:00

One of the interesting things about the new found set of historic family photos is the noticeable trend from pretty to ugly. Here's a nice juxtaposition from pre-immigrant relative to immigrant homesteader relatives:

PRETTY

NOT SO PRETTY

Strange But Interesting Currents

2007-06-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

"All energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet, " - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.

The last few weeks have been odd, but positive in many ways. I finally graduated and my parents came up from Texas to celebrate. Then I was asked at the last minute to coach the travel team of the Derby City Roller Girls (DCRG) vs. the Naptown Tornado Sirens. My son and I went camping at a nearby state park and ended up next to a group of drunken, hearing impared young adults. The campsite was infested with nosy raccoons and we got to hear deaf people fucking. So our camping nights consisted of a lot of lots of grunts and hoots from randy people and competitive raccoons. I rounded out this week by driving the DCRG "float" (our truck) in Louisville's annual Gay Pride Parade. My alt-resume of odd jobs and experiences continues to fill out nicely.

In other news, here's another old family photo from the archives. Gotta love the hat. Enjoy.

Texas or Bust!

2007-06-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

An old famiy story goes that my great grandmother's family (Cordelia "Dee" Belle Hamilton, et al) came from Germany to Indiana in the mid 1800's and moved to Texas via covered wagon circa 1906. Now I have the picture that goes along with the story (above). New Texans (3rd cousins most likely) on wooden oil well support (below). My mom got in contact with her 2nd cousin recently who had a treasure trove of old pictures for her. My parents came into town for my recent graduation last weekend and as a present, my Mom brought me disks full of quality electronic scans of these pictures. Some of these are just really great photos regardless of the family/sentimenal value thay have for me. I'll be posting some of these finer pictures over the next few weeks to share with you. Enjoy.

iTunes - Baker's Shuffled Dozen

2007-06-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

***idea blatantly stolen w/o permission from The Blog of Lewd Enlightenment***

I'm a fan of self-disclosure as a means of improving communication and strengthening bonds between people...so I've been copying my friend Steve by way of occasional posts on a random selection of 13 tunes from my iPod. This particular round reflects some interesting covers (*) and my recent proclination to download movie soundtracks (movies in parenthesis).

1. Come Right In - 20 Miles
2. Wichita Lineman - Friends Of Dean Martinez *
3. Mandatory Suicide - Slayer
4. Thunderhead - The Ghastly Ones
5. One - Johnny Cash*
6. Stolen Bike - Danny Elfman (Pee-Wee's Big Adventure)
7. I Needed It Most - My Morning Jacket
8. Children Of The Grave - Black Sabbath
9. U.S.S.A - Butthole Surfers
10. Hurdy Gurdy Man -Donovan
11. The Weight - The Band (Easy Rider)
12. Resource - Philip Glass Ensemble (Koyaanisqatsi)
13. There Is an Ocean - Donovan Leitch (Children of Men)

The Bluegrass Strikes Back - Dig It

2007-05-29T23:37:00.000-07:00

If you missed the Indy bout, here's your second chance to witness the force of the Derby City Roller Girls travel team.

Buy Tickets Now! Save $$$

June 10th @ Treo - Louisville, Ky
Doors open at 6pm.

Dad Wins First Place Last Friday

2007-05-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

(Dad - reining competiton, 05/18/07)

My Father's midlife crisis occured in his late thirties as he transformed from:

son of a share cropper/avid golfer/unhappy insurance cubicle slaver/religious neophyte/wannabe cowboy

into --->

a semi-pro golfer/self-employed insurance professional/respected elder in his congregation/expert horseman

Now at 63, he's nearing retirement and finally winning some of those horse competitions he's been entering for the last several years (see picture above). Reining Competition is his main hobby now.

My Dad and I disagree on many things, and at the same time are alike in how our brain works. I see him in my face as I look into the mirror. I hear him in my voice when I give a speech, teach a class, or give advice. It's oddly comforting considering our relationship.

For many years I stewed over having to be a large part of the transformative force of his midlife crisis. I was the eldest son - the painful move from city to country (in my early teens), saddling and training horses, throwing hay, putting up barns and laying miles of fence posts, while my little brother watched. It was after I left home at eighteen that my father's financial success came. I watched from afar as my brother trashed the fruit of (what I thought of as) the eldest son's earned inheritance - he wrecked the new Camaro, then the Trans Am while driving drunk, then drained thousands of dollars from my parents in the form of legal fees, all that meth lab police drama. I was still driving the used Pontiac sedan with a million miles on it, co-financed with my Jack-in-the-Box earnings from high school.

Now I just look back, from the perspective of my mid-thirties, and I have a respect for his ability to change his life to one more suited to him and I'm glad that my brother has ditched his wild lifestyle, with the emotional and financial help of my parents. I hope to have my own productive, midlife change soon as well. Hopefully it will not be a "crisis"; I had enough of those in early adult years to last a lifetime. Luckily, my son is an only child.

Roller Derby!!

2007-05-11T19:29:00.001-07:00

Update:

DCRG Travel Team (all-stars): 0 -1
The Jackie O'Nasties: 1 - 0
The Red Menace: 0 - 1

May 12 - DCRG vs Naptown Tornado Sirens in Indianapolis

May 20 - DCRG's Red Menace vs the Jackie O'Nasties in Louisville

www.derbycityrollergirls.com

Raoul Duke-em says, "You gotta come see this you slithy pigfuckers! Someone is feeding these people booze and pure adrenachrome. Buy the ticket, take the ride."

O Fortuna - You Bitch

2007-04-16T01:21:00.000-07:00

All that talk about "...positive thinking makes eveyting better," is absolute BULLSHIT. Good things and bad things all come down to an esoteric and indeterminate ratio of action and luck so well expressed in the following medieval poem (and modern opera).

No operas will be written about Jack Welch, Dale Carnegie, or The Secret (as seen on Oprah -ack)

***

O Fortuna

O luck,
like the moon
changeable in state,
you are always waxing
or waning;
hateful life
is one moment hard
and the next moment watches over
the mind's playful acumen;
poverty,
power,
it melts like ice.

Fate monstrous
and empty,
a whirling wheel you are;
if badly placed
health is vain-
it can ever be dissolved;
overshadowed
and veiled
you harass me too;
now at the gaming table
my bare back
I bring to your villainy.

The luck of health
and strength
is against me,
is attacked
and ruined
all the time, in your service.
In this hour
without delay
sweep the sounding strings;
and for that which, by lot,
overthrows the strong man,
weep with me, all of you!

Remember That Time I Was Possessed by Satan?

2007-04-05T02:44:00.000-07:00

OK, this is TMI, but the picture is priceless (IMHO) and not of my balls, which are fine thank you.

After a botched and very painful (in-office/local anesthetic) vasectomy in 1999 while in the USAF, my urologist and I decided that this time, I should go completely under in an O.R. The point being that he needed to do more than the usual snip-snip to see what the USAF botched, and to (attempt) ensure a relatively painless ordeal for me.

Well appreantly after they knocked me out, my auto-response to intubation was to violently cough, and heave my torso, flail my arms, and shake my head. Which means the nurse and anesthesiologist had to "restrain" said big honky torso.

So now my entire upper body feels like I went 10 rounds with Ali. My face and eye sockets are bruised and the whites of my eyes are completely red with internal bleeding. My nuts feel fine though. Gotta love irony.

Walk Like a Camel..toe?

2007-04-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

Pardon my if you find me walking funny for several days. Tomorrow is Vasectomy Redux, the Search for Lefty.

On The Hunt For That Great Job

2007-03-25T20:33:00.000-07:00

Yes dear readers, I am still on the lookout for that great job. You know...the one that pays well, treats me fairly, and capitalizes on my talents. The unemployment fairy is running out of compensation dust soon and I'm upping my efforts to network. Traditional networking is hard for me, so I just want to ask you, the people who know me or at least know someone that knows me, do you know of any person or organization in the greater Louisville area that would benefit from my talents and expertise? Drop me a line, leave me a comment, or feel free to direct interested business contacts to my website/online resume at:

http://www.dwheatley.com

Derby City Roller Girls - First Exhibition Bout

2007-03-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

Here's a video compilation of the DCRG's first exhibition bout a few weeks ago. Ladyfriend a.k.a. Maul St. Matthews is in pink with pink helmet. You can see my lard ass in my ref gear.

Lick Poop

2007-03-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

This is very special time together. Now we having a party time.

Motivational Poster Strikes Back!

2007-03-05T19:22:00.000-08:00

Bush-McConnell Protest in Louisville

2007-03-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

Bush came to Louisville the other day to pimp Mitch McConnell (for Senate in '08) at a $2k/plate dinner. I was under the weather that day, but luckily my son (below: with the "Ditch Mitch" poster) and some friends got to go to the protest:

What's amazing is how large these protests were (there were sizable protests at every stop he made) in light of previous protests in this city. Watch the video and listen for the response to the "honk-to-impeach" signs. Democrats need to wake up to the real mandate of their recent power boost:

IMPEACH THIS LIAR NOW!

Dig It...

2007-02-21T18:22:00.002-08:00

Derby City Roller Girls

I'm Really 13 Years Old

2007-02-15T01:24:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Erin and Steve for the bad idea and the link to make this happen:

Happy V-Day All

2007-02-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - H.S.T.

2007-02-12T10:43:00.000-08:00

I've managed to rack up another corny nickname. I am now also known as "Raoul Duke'em" - one of the refs for the Derby City Roller Girls.

Come laught at my fat-ass as I flounder around on skates and attempt ref-ing for the next public scrimmage. If you haven't seen the league yet, they are getting better and better every week. This is an exciting sport folks. Locals - come out and support your Derby City Roller Girls!

What: Public Scrimmage $5 (I think, not sure yet) - rink side "suicide seating" available for adults.

Who: The Jackie O'Nasties vs. (Name TBA)

When: Thur. Feb 22 - doors open at 7:30pm

Where: the new TREO Skating Rink - 721 Gagel Ave - Louisville, KY - 40216

Divided Kingdom

2007-02-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

Continuing my fascination with dystopian/anti-utopian themes, I just finished reading Divided Kingdom, the latest book from Rupert Thomson.

This book starts right off with the action as the story follows a young protagonist thrust into the political/people reorganization of a near future and severely ailing Great Britain. Desperate to curb the disintegration of their country, leaders decide to take drastic new measures and divide the country into 4 distinct and separate kingdoms (thus the name). Individual people are reassigned to geographic areas according to their personality/psychological types and are immediately bombarded with the requisite propaganda & symbology needed to make such a radical change happen. Imagine Meyers-Briggs typological exam gone political...and nuts.

The creepiest (and most interesting) thing about this seemingly unrealistic take on an alternate future is that it actually IS plausible, especially in light of some of the more hideous socio-political experiments of the 20th century - Nazi Germany/Final Solution, the Berlin split afterwards, Pol Pot's army of children, Communist Russia, etc. In fact, Rupert Thomson lived in (divided) Berlin at one point and names that experience as the influence for this novel. The main character goes through all four countries, some illegally, which gives the novel a fast pace and lots of visual and experiential texture. Excellent weekend read

I Dream of Jeanie

2007-02-05T20:21:00.000-08:00

I liked my astonauts better when they had genie's to get them in and out of trouble. Nowadays they just dawn wigs and use pepper spray, rubber hose, latex gloves, diapers, and garbage bags to solve their social faux-pas. And now for my favorite astronaut - Astronaut Jones!

How Many Roller Derby Girls Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

2007-02-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

ABOVE: Naptown's Touretta Lynn (red) takes down Ft. Wayne's Jammer Kitty Killjoy (black) with a textbook block, one of the few times anyone knocked her down the rest of the bout

I watched my first live roller derby bout last night in the bitterly cold, but Superbowl charged, city of Indianapolis (aka Naptown) as the beefy and uber-aggresive Ft. Wayne Bomb Squad whipped the dogshit out of the undersized, but well trained Naptown team - The Tornado Sirens. I was thoroughly impressed with the legitimacy of roller derby as an honest-to-God sport after this bout. If you don't already have tix lined up for a bout in your local area, hop to it!

The Naptown league surrounded the event with a lot of lame, over-hyped 'color' commentary, which would drive me nuts if our hometown league mimicked that when they start bouting. The officiating was decidedly inconsistent from period to period as the refs started a crescendo of penalizing illegal blocks and grabbing that should have been (at a minimum) standard from period to period. I also observed that this sport has an obvious gamut of opinions on the 'roughness' of the play. I am one who tends to err on the side of non-fighting and a tight standard of officiating. I think that fighting, cheap-shots, and emphasizing the drama of that tension only weakens the long-term legitimacy of the sport. But I think that is a minority opinion. Here's the important part though - despite all these forgivable new-sport glitches, these women deliver! This sport is as exciting, fast paced, and competitive as hockey, 2-minute drill football, or basketball.

I had an ass-kickin headache but I went to the after party in my role a security guard/designated driver. I missed the apparently requisite derby girl tit flashing (AGAIN DAMMIT) but it was nice to see no less that four different roller derby leagues (Naptown, Ft. Wayne, Windy City, Derby City), and some rugby team in a bar with a rough-rockin band (Whisky Tits - love the name) and no fights. It was like the beginning of The Warriors but this time no one killed Cyrus, no one was framed, and the truce was maintained.

The best quote of the night was actually some in-between-song banter from the Whiskey Tits members that went like this:

Q - How many roller derby girls does is take to change a light bulb?
A - Two. One to change the light bulb and one to kick your mother fuckin ass!

Spin Doctor, Spin!

2007-02-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

I just got my annual "this is how much you paid in Social Security" letter and I was suprised to read a lot of partisan rhetoric on the cover letter about how we must change social security NOW and blah blah blah.

This is one of the greatest spins of the currenty administration and the Republicans as a whole recently. Unlike the medicare & socialized medicine issue, which is admitedly complex, the only problem with social security's future is that we have to fund it. If baby boomers put too much burden on it, how bout siphoning off some of that exobitant defense budget? Or better yet, get rid of some of the Barneys at the airport standing around under the guise of Homeland Security guards. The program is fine as is, just needs different funding. Make it so. Period. Despite the rhetoric saying otherwise, solving the SS woes ain't rocket science.

18 Years of Southern Baptist Upbringin' Paid Off!

2007-02-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

Sunday - Sunday School, Morning Service, Evening Service

Wednesday - Wednesday Night Service

Thursday - Evening Bible Study

Friday - Youth Group

Rinse, Repeat

You know the Bible 95%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Thanks to Dott for the quiz.

the B-day is Less than 9 Weeks Away

2007-02-02T14:17:00.000-08:00

I want one of these! This was made by a group of digital luthiers (I love that term!) at the Universitat Pompeu Fabra in Barcelona.

iPod-age Baker's Dozen

2007-01-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

***idea blatantly stolen w/o permission from The Blog of Lewd Enlightenment***

1. Hispanic Impression - Queens of the Stone Age
2. Stanley Joe- The Meat Purveyors
3. El Rey de los Chingones- Chingon
4. Time Travel-Micheal Andrews
5. 17 Lashes- Reverend Glasseye
6. Flyin' Saucers Rock & Roll - Billy Riley And His Little Green Men
7. One Piece At A Time - Johnny Cash
8. The Playboy Channel - Negativland
9. Blood And Tears - Danzig
10. Speak To Me/Breathe - Pink Floyd
11. Shadow Of The Reaper - Six Feet Under
12. Ain't Got Nothin' - The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band
13. My Mood Swings - Elvis Costello

File Under - No Shit Sherlock

2007-01-30T04:04:00.000-08:00

Military hindsight is 20/20, but so was so much public foresight (including us wacky liberals) on Iraq:

Fallon says U.S. miscalculated Iraq

from the AP wire: Adm. William Fallon, who is poised to become the top American commander in the Middle East, says the United States miscalculated the ability of Iraqi forces to take control and underestimated the enemy's persistence....

Click here for full story

I Have Four More Personalities

2007-01-25T02:41:00.000-08:00

For your reading pleasure - RedMeat.com

No news is good news? Prior to the new year I selectively applied to only the best job postings I could find (which were scarce approaching the holiday season) and did very little follow-up. After January 1, I started the whole kit-and-kaboodle-job-search by making near-daily networking calls, applying for any and everything in my field and following up with mailed hardcopies, etc. Ironically, I got more interest and return calls prior to Jan 1, BUT there have been more jobs 'out there' the first 3 weeks of the 1st quarter than all of Q4. What gives?

He is Franz Kafka... FRANZ KAFKA!

2007-01-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

I go in waves with reading and these waves have high peaks and low-lows. Right now I'm in a peak phase and have a strong hunger to read.

I just read Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami and despite my better judgment, Cell by Stephen King. Kafka was a good bit of surreal escapism I indulged in during the xmas vacation in Texas. Despite the heady beginning and interesting duel story lines and tense choice, it seemed that the ending was rushed and failed to tie together many of the loose ends, and not to the credit of the style either. I have a fetish for post-apocalyptic stories so when my Mom handed me a paperback of SK's Cell I said, "What the hell, why not?" It's no The Stand and is written in SK style 1.0 that we all loved in ninth grade, but it was a good no-brainer for the plane ride home and such. As usual, the characters were weak, the story had a nice pace, it was better than the title suggested, and the ending, like all SK novels, sucked or it may be argued, left us hanging for part II...I'll pass on that.

Now I am looking for another book to dig into. Preferably something fiction and a little (or a lot) on the weird side, but NO fantasy. I'm not opposed to sci-fi, but so much of the genre is just space drama...and I don't want to read that crap. You know me dear reader. Any suggestions?

And speaking of Kafka: for your viewing pleasure - the best Rock Opera EVER!

Repost - Spread the Word

2007-01-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Bush will soon announce his "plan" to send more troops to Iraq, despite the objections of military and diplomatic officials. In order to stop this escalation of the War, please call Congress and the President as soon as possible. Calls have an impact!

The White House # is 202-456-1111, to leave a message.

Call the Congress switchboard at 1-800-828-0498 (if you have free cell phone minutes, call 202-224-3121) and ask the operator for the Senator and/or Representative you would like to message. The key Senators are Lugar, Warner, Graham, McCain, Collins, Hagel, Specter, McConnell, Levin, Durbin, Biden, Rockefeller, Reid, Obama, Clinton, etc. There may be others you favor. Key Representatives are Murtha, Chandler, Yarmuth, Kucinich, Shays, Pelosi, etc.

Talking Points: De-escalate, Investigate, Troops Home Now!

End the War Now. Stop the escalation now. No more troops. Bring our troops home now. The Iraq War was a huge mistake. We have more than 3000 American military dead and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis dead, injured, or homeless. Bush and Cheney lied about our progress in the War. Iraqis want us gone. Terrorism is overstated. The adverse impact of our leaving Iraq is overstated. Bush will sacrifice our troops to keep the war going and try and justify his decision to go to war. The White House is laying the groundwork for an escalation of fighting including the possibility of a new draft.

Please support this effort to help ensure that the Iraq War ends soon and we do not escalate the war by sending more troops.

Pas D'ennemi a Gauche

2007-01-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

from opednews...

Who Really Starts All the Wars in the World?

The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.
-- Mel Gibson

By John F. Miglio

The old French expression, pas d'ennemi a gauche (no enemy on the left), has a lot of wisdom in it. Basically, it means you have nothing to fear from individuals or governments more liberal or progressive than you are. Your real enemies, those who want to conquer or subjugate you, always come from the right of the political spectrum, especially the far right.

What does it mean for a government to be far right? Using the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and the U.S. Constitution as conceived by our Founding Fathers as a base line for a liberal democracy, the leader or leaders of a far right-wing government would invalidate or pervert almost everything these documents stand for in an effort to assume more power for themselves.

Two classic examples of 20th century countries that started out as democracies (albeit weak democracies) and ended up as far right dictatorships are pre-World War II Germany and Italy. During this time period, Hitler and Mussolini seized control of their respective countries and turned them into fascist states, i.e., states with governments marked by, among other things: a heightened sense of nationalism, repression of civil liberties, widespread propaganda, intolerance of minorities, and economic alignment with large corporations.

For Hitler and Mussolini, it was absolutely critical for them to align themselves with large corporations in order to bankroll their fascist states and sustain their power as they systematically destroyed democracy. To underscore this point, Mussolini once remarked, "Fascism should more properly be called corporatism because it is the merger of state and corporate power."

The linkage of corporate power (big business) to government was also evident in almost all the half-pint dictatorships that emerged after World War II in Central America, Africa, the Middle East, etc. Like Germany and Italy, many of these countries with dictators started out as fledgling democracies only to be undermined by the big business interests of their own countries working in conjunction with American corporations and our CIA.

Currently, one fact that the mainstream media rarely mention in their reportage and analysis of terrorism is that our CIA helped both Saddam Hussein and the Shah of Iran to topple the democratically elected leaders of their respective countries. As a result, both Iraq and Iran became repressive regimes that tortured and killed their own people while working out sweetheart deals with American oil companies and enriching themselves and their families in the process. The same can be said for Saudi Arabia, whose royal family (as well as Saleem bin Laden) bankrolled the Bush family and his pals on more than one occasion.

Now, boys and girls, do you think this type of behavior had anything to do with laying a foundation for hatred of America and future acts of terrorism against it?

Historically, it never works out when a democracy is taken over by the far right wing-- even if the ruler of the country bends over for American interests and becomes "our son-of-bitch," to use Big Al Haig's term-- because the people of the country will always suffer, and it eventually leads to revolution and/or terrorism. Nevertheless, this is the policy the United States has pursued since World War II.

But what about the far left wing? Again, using the aforementioned documents conceived by our Founding fathers as a base line for a liberal democracy, a far left-wing government is one in which the individual rights and liberties of its citizens are scrupulously upheld and protected by fairly elected public officials who carry out the wishes of the people.

I know this may come as a big shock to the brain-dead fans of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, but our Founding Fathers were on the far left of the political spectrum. In fact, those revered icons from days of yore-- Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Thomas Paine, etc.-- were left-wing rebels who started a revolution in response to the anti-democratic policies of King George III of England, a right-wing tyrant who, ironically, was of German ancestry and went a little batty later in life

Wait! You say. It's inaccurate to claim that tyrants or fascists only come from the right wing of the political spectrum. What about the left-wing commie bastards, like old Joe Stalin or Chairman Mao? Weren't they left wing? And isn't communism even more left wing than democracy? Perhaps, depending on how you define it, but Stalin and Mao were not left wing.

They may have started out as left wing, but they certainly didn't end up that way. If they had, they would have never become ruthless dictators, since it is the goal of ideologically pure communists to share the wealth and power of the country with the workers, who are in charge of the means of production.

In reality, Stalin and Mao were just the opposite. They abandoned their left-wing communist ideologies, devolved into right-wing tyrants, and transformed their governments into brutal totalitarian states that shared many of the same characteristics as fascist regimes.

This illustrates an important point: When left-wing ideologies like democracy and communism are hijacked and perverted by right-wing tyrants, the net result is equally corrosive and dangerous: democracy transforms into fascism and communism morphs into totalitarianism. Neither one an appealing prospect for citizens who look forward to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Another less-than-appealing prospect citizens have to look forward to under these governments is perpetual war. Perpetual war, as Orwell noted, is perhaps the most important aspect of a fascist or totalitarian regime, because without the constant threat of a common enemy, the mass population would not tolerate the other hardships and indignities. Which is why right-wing dictatorships always feel the need to attack other countries, expand their empires, and create enemies within their own State.

So, to answer the question, "Who Really Starts All the Wars in the World?" I think it's safe to say, it's not the Jews, it's not the Arabs, it's not the gays, it's not the liberals, it's not Barbra Streisand or Michael Moore. No, make no mistake about it. The real culprit is the far right wing of any government. It creates the political, social, and economic environment that starts all the wars and lays the groundwork for all the revolutions and acts of terrorism that follow. It has always been this way throughout history, and probably always will be.

And who is running our country today? The Bush administration, the most right-wing administration we've had in the United States since, well, the Reagan administration. And unless we get rid of these goose-steeping, war-loving, propaganda-spewing corporatists in the next election, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

Aught Seven - Year of the PooDog and Other Misc. Crap

2007-01-04T09:18:00.000-08:00

Our new year started out with a lot of poop from our dog 'Happy'. I won't go into the stinky details, but Happy has had a bath 3 times (2 times using professional pet washing facilities) since we got back from xmas vacation.

Then Ladyfriend and I stumbled across a series of YouTube videos of farting babies. I don't think I laughed so hard in all of 2006. Yes, I am easily amused.

Then weird shit happened early on, but I think it's great when people can keep a sense of humor through it all. When James Brown died, I smiled as his death brought about the memory of getting arrested the summer before my senior year in high school. I was trespassing in some woods to swim in the Guadalupe River. I was wearing some cutoff jeans and nothing else. I had FREE JAMES BROWN written in blue zinc on my chest too. I was very, very scared in the jail that night, but I knew the brothers had my back.

So I'm getting this vibe that 2007 will be a shitty, stinky year and yet I'm laughing a lot, and I like that. So with that said, I think I'll post some of my New Year's Resolutions that will help me to roll with the punches...and poo. Some are standards, others are radical for me:

1 - Walk and do simple strength exercises everyday
2 - Stop drinkin (this 16-year-in-the-making-third-trimester beer gut has got to go)
3 - Laugh often
4 - get a job that I enjoy
5 - stop eating meat
6 - get organized

Another "It's Almost 2007" List

2006-12-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

Places I visited (at least stayed the night) in 2006.

"*" denotes multiple visits

Marble Falls, TX - xmas vacation at parents
Detroit, MI - business
Chicago, IL* - business
Dayton, OH - friends
Kansas City, MO* - business
Nashville, TN - friends
Stecoah, NC - MC trip
Cumberland Falls, KY - family vacation

I feel like I'm forgetting one...

Jandek, Horny Goat Weed, and Friends That Don't Shoot You When You Show up at 3:00 am

2006-12-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

Ricky and I went to a rare Jandek show in a great venue in Indianapolis Saturday night. Jandek is a one man music anomaly - a guy who has self produced, marketed, and distributed his own weird albums since 1978. He tunes his guitar (chuckle) to the key of Z...which is to say that it's not tuned and he plays weird shit. He's had less than 16 live shows, only in the last few years, and has only given a handful of interviews. There is never any stage-audience interaction, no introduction, no closing, no thank you-good nights, no encores. But they did play for over 2 hours that night. The show was 4/5ths great. It consisted of at least 3 classically trained and/or professional musicians (bass, flute/xylophone, drums) that were phenomenal in everything they played. Next, there was a woman who sang 3-4 songs and had an amazing voice. She made noises on a violin the rest of the time. Then Jandek made awful noise with his fretless guitar (as is his schtick) but sang minimalist lyrics, lamenting lost love for the most part. His phantasm-like appearance and matching voice was hypnotic. I was expecting weird nonsense and I got grade-A improvisational jazz...with weird nonsense. There are some great examples of his better work on this myspace page, which is probably not made by Jandek, but nonetheless, has Jandek songs on it.

On the way home, we stopped at a gas station to pee and I just had to purchase this packet of "Horny Goat Weed" (see picture) from the men's room vending machine. I try to imagine what was going through the lone cashier's mind when she saw a father and son come out of the men's restroom laughing hysterically and talking about horny goat weed. The homely middle aged Hoosier with a dead-end job and cigarette ashes on her DDD breasts that were resting on the greasy counter listening to boys discuss....shudder. Apparently, this is an actual product on the market now and not just a novelty at a truck stop restroom...ahem. Best quote of the night was from Ricky to me, in all seriousness, "So you smoke it and it makes you horny? Is that legal?"

The night ended with Todd and I at the Mag Bar and a quick jaunt by Jason & Erin's house to invite them out to breakfast with us. I am thankful that they didn't shoot us.

Great success!

Devo Wayne

2006-12-08T22:32:00.000-08:00

above - Devo (in my arms) is first to welcome me back home, circa 2004

My little buddy Devo Wayne isn't with us any more. For those of you who don't know, Devo was abandoned as a puppy in my mother-in-law's neighborhood a little over 6 years ago. He was a puppy terrier mutt and had a broken leg at the time they found him, my in-laws nursed him back to health until he was mobile and then we "adopted" him. He was always a feisty little dog and the "alpha" dog of the house, even when we added a new cat and a 75 lb dog. I don't know if it was bad genetics or pain resulting from whatever broke his leg all those years back, but as he matured he started having pain in his hind quarters - this manifested itself as a dog who would yipe if you moved anywhere near him unexpectedly. It got so bad that the vet started him on cordosoidal (sp?) steroids to ease this degenerative hip and lower back condition. Eventually, even medicine couldn't ease his pain, so we decided to make the difficult, but rational decision to ease his pain for him. R.I.P. little buddy.

The Fountain

2006-12-06T23:52:00.000-08:00

I sat in the theater alone and watched The Fountain this evening. Although I expect it will be out of theaters by the end of this week, check this movie out if you:

a: think most "blockbusters" exist only as an opiate for the masses
b: have an I.Q. above 130
c: enjoy non-linear cinema

The Fountain is a phenomenal cinematic experience that takes the viewer through a struggle with the core-questions of life, death, and immortality...by way of breathtaking scenes. Say what you will, but director Darren Aronofsky IS the new Stanley Kubrick in this writer's opinion.

Crimson Fortress Under Attack!

2006-12-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

We were attacked by either a great blue heron or a giant crane today (the big bluish-gray thing below and right of statue). If you've even been to the Fortress, you know that I keep Shubunkin goldfish in an outdoor pond. Well I don't keep so many now. Casualties so far include Big Red, my oldest and largest fish and matriarch of the group. I put a piece of woven-wire fence over the pond that will hopefully keep the heron out of it.

In other news, the squirrels started tearing the ass out of the Fall gourds on the front porch (but we're OK with that).

Yet Another Reason Why Bob is Part of My Pantheon

2006-12-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

You too can become ordained and even obtain a Docktorate in Forbidden Sciences. Hail Bob you pink bastard.

They Say a Picture is Worth 1000 Words

2006-11-29T22:25:00.000-08:00

The Wrath of God!

2006-11-29T13:26:00.000-08:00

Remember last year when right-wing evangelical Christians were shouting from the mountain about how the hurricane season and all the natural disasters were a sign of God's unhappiness with 'Merica? They claimed that America's collective sin caused all that blowback from the almighty. I thought that was a full bag of shit, but maybe I was wrong.

The Atlantic hurricane season is officially over without a single hurricane hitting the US this year...the year America woke up and the pendulum began to swing back to the left. Maybe those evengelicals had the mechanism right all along, but just misinterpreted the details a little.

Church Pews For Sale

2006-11-28T14:27:00.000-08:00

My church is under renovation to accomodate more members and we are selling our pews. The picture is not an actual picture of the ones for sale, but ours are similiar. They are great for coffee houses, parlors, living/reading rooms, make an interesting book shelf, etc. They can be easily sawed in half for tight spaces or to make two benches. They are solid oak with no engravings, no symbols, and have a removable seating pad.

If you are in the Louisville area and are interested, contact Todd Eklof at the number below. Act fast - I think there are only about 9 pews left at $150/each. What a great way to make your living/working space more interesting.

For more info, contact Rev. Todd F. Eklof at (502) 895-3189 or todd@cliftonunitarian.org .

iPodage - Recent Baker's Dozen

2006-11-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

***idea blatantly stolen w/o permission from The Blog of Lewd Enlightenment***

I'm a fan of self-disclosure as a means of improving communication and strengthening bonds between people...so I'm copying my friend Steve by way of occasional posts on a random selection of 13 tunes from my iPod.

1. The Mercy Seat - Johnny Cash
2. Nesbitt's Lime Soda - Negativland
3. Gubelye (My Gubel) - Mulatu Astatqe
4. Changes - Black Sabbath
5. Ghost Riders in the Sky - Marty Robbins
6. Traffic Boom - Pierro Piccioni
7. Ugly Truth - Soundgarden
8. Pyramid Song - Radiohead
9. King of Men - Reverend Glasseye
10. Heart Attack - The Moaners
11. The Playboy Channel - Negativland
12. Eclipse - Pink Floyd
13. Stanley Joe - The Meat Purveyors

The New Face of Unemployment

2006-11-28T01:04:00.000-08:00

Groovy old-guy hat courtesy of Ladyfriend and the Unique Thirft Store

Shaggy-esque chin hair thanks to 5 weeks sans dress code

Pissed-off look brought to you by insomnia at 4:00 am

Hours of Wasted Time II - Art Work...Dope

2006-11-11T05:10:00.000-08:00

I've also developed an addiction to YouTube.

Hours of Wasted Time - Guaranteed!

2006-11-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

Oh the joys of being unemployed...check this out. The line rider game may replace solitaire and minesweeper as the leader in corporate time-theft.

Make your own at:

http://www.linerider.org/

In Honor of Our New Aggie Secretary of Defense

2006-11-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot? He flew 22 missions.

How do you sink a submarine which is manned by Aggies? Have a diver knock on the hatch.

How do you get a Texas A&M graduate off your front porch? You pay for the pizza.

A Longhorn, a Red Raider and an Aggie went into a bar for a drink. The longhorn tells the bartender, I'll have a TC. The bartender says ''what's that?" . The Longhorn says ''you know, a Tom Collins." The Techster says ''I'll have a PC." The bartender says ''what's that?" The Techster says "a Pina Colida." The Aggie says "I'll have a 15." The bartender says ''what's that?" The aggie says "you know -- seven & seven".

An Aggie went in to see his advisor, who said, "I want you to take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asked the Aggie. "Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a Weed-eater?" "Why, yes, I do," replied the Aggie. "OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!" "Amazing," gushed the young rube. "And," continued the professor, "since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house." "I do! I do!" exclaimed the boy. "And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a heterosexual." "Gaaaa-lee!" said the Aggie. "That logic is sump'n else!" He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's going to take. "I'm gonna take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asks Buck. "OK," says the Aggie, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?" "Uh, no," relies Buck. The Aggie pauses a bit and says, "You're QUEER, ain'tcha".

Four college students are traveling in an airplane that is low on fuel. First, the Wolverine yells "this is for Michigan!" and leaps to his death. Next, the Buckeye gets up, yells "this is for Ohio State!" and jumps to his death. Finally, the Longhorn steps forward, yells "this is for Texas!", and throws the Aggie out.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you -- they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side -- they're Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?"
The guy thinks for a second. "I guess not," he said. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Two Aggies encounter a large German Shepard licking his balls. One Aggie says to the other, "I wish I could do that." His friend replied, "If you pet him real nice, he might let you."

Did you hear the Texas A&M library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet. The George H. Bush Memorial library burned down too. They lost their book.

Q: What does the average Aggie football player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Vote!

2006-11-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

I Got That Freaky Bunco Feeling

2006-11-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

My mom used to host bunco parties. Two hours prior to the party my dad, my brother, and I were tasked with every minor cleaning detail and Mom made some food that smelled really good. Then we were politely asked to make ourselves scarce for 2 hours and not disturb the bunco party. Dad would go hit some golf balls, my brother would go terrorize the neighborhood kids, but I would silently sit in my room fascinated with the screams of "BUUUUNCO!" from poofy haired, uber-conservative ladies that taught Sunday School classes down at the First Baptist Church. I couldn't believe that these were the same women who warbled out 'Old Rugged Cross' and chided me for chewing on the pews when I was bored during church. I think one of them even flicked me by the ear once when I made up my own lyrics to the old spiritual that they were butchering with old-lady falsetto & excessive vibrato. "I will NEVER sit, where the OLD LADIES sing," I cried in sync with, "I will cling to that old rugged cross..." True to my version of the song, I never again made the mistake of sitting in the audibly annoying old-lady section of the church. But I digress.

I'm wondering if my son is having similar feeling or what if anything is going through his mind at this moment. A few hours ago, we were tasked with helping to just "pick up" around the house - a task that turned into a major cleaning effort. I ditched most of it for a nice football-nap. Ladyfriend had us cleaning for her board meeting with the Derby City Roller Girls. She made white chili. I love chili. So at this moment I've been kicked upstairs and Rick has to take care of the dog while playing World-of-Warcraft in his room. Is he fascinated with them, angry with them? Will he hold resentment for Roller Girls and mock them at their upcoming bouts as I did the old church ladies? These ladies are hot though; they are NOT the butterscotch eating, creepy old church ladies. Nevertheless, there is a parallel! Maybe I need to take up golf.

Kick-Ass Meatless Chili

2006-11-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not a vegetarian, but for the last few months I've reduced the amount of meat I consume, especially red meat/mammals because I have high blood pressure, with a thick family history of cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. Plus I'm kinda a hippie at heart, despite my big-honky appeal. I love to cook, and obviously eat, so I'm trying new recipes. One dish I've traditionally made with great pride is chili. I just finished my first try at Chili sans meat, and I gotta say that I like it. This is a "spicy" recipe, but not hot at all. So here's a recipe for all you vegetarians and/or flexitarians out there:

Ingredients:

12oz Yves Good Ground (soy)
2 white or yellow onions,diced
15 oz dark red kidney beans
1 dried ancho pepper, seeded
32 oz of tomatoes (i like to puree fresh assorted tomatoes myself, this latest try it was grape and roma tomatoes)
2-3 oz chili powder
1-2 tsp cumin
dash of bourbon or cheap beer
1 tsp dried oregano
fresh cilantro
2 tsp peanut oil
salt to taste
2 tsp unsweetened cocoa
dash cinnamon
4.5 oz of diced green chile peppers

for those who like hot and spicy chili I recommend:
- using Tony Chachere's Original Seasoning in place of salt
- tobasco sauce to taste

Directions

Prep- dice onions. Using a blender or food processor, puree tomatoes, seeded ancho peppers, and green chiles

- Using a dutch oven or stew pot, brown the onions in the oil
- when onions are nearly clear, add all the spices and a dash of salt stir until coated.
- add splash of beer or bourbon, take a sip yourself, stir
- add pure'd tomatoes/chiles (it looks pink and nasty and that's OK)
- bring heat mix to a slow boil then cover and reduce heat to low
- stir/check mix every 10 minutes, add salt, chile powder to adjust taste
- after 30-40 minutes of this add ground soy-meat and kidney beans (drained if in a can)
- garnish with freshly chopped (for the aroma) cilantro and white onions
- goes great with cornbread
- adding spaghetti is considered blasphemous

Food picturres always suck, but here it is anyways...

Bad Dad

2006-11-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

I have to pick up Rick from jazz band practice every Wednesday after school and I felt like a big loser today. I was wearing my leather motorcycle jacket, a jungle hat, house slippers, and dirty clothes. The dog and I rolled up in the truck while cranking Sepultura's "Territory".

If I stay unemployeed too much longer I fear I'll have to go ahead and get the mumu (sp?), the Dom Deluise hat, and apply for fat-guy ADA benefits.

Good news though, I have a potential interview soon as an HR Manager.

Breakfast of Champions - The Lazy Edition

2006-10-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday afternoon, I just woke up and this is the odd mix of leftovers I'm having for "breakfast":

Tandoori Pork Chops - We decided that tandoori seasoning would be good on pork loins last night...it is!)

Mashed Butternut Squash - straight from our veggie co-op...plus butter, sour cream, salt and pepper. You know how apples go well with pork? Similar thing here; butternut squash goes great with the pork chops

Nachos - Complete with Mrs. Renfro's jalapeno green salsa from Ft. Worth, TX. Hey, I'm from the Southwest and unemployed.

Shit-Canned! AKA Restructured

2006-10-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

But hey, I'm taking this in a positive way - a chance to move on to something better. That's where you come in: I'm back on the job market and need any leads you have.

Got any leads?

The Bridges of Milfbush County

2006-09-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Here's a neat link I got from the John Yarmuth campaign, via the Washington Post, that I though was interesting...especially the video of a visibly shaken, not-cool, Anne Northup.

Watch Anne yell at some guy named Mark for insinuating that John Yarmuth is running a positive campaign.

Anne then goes on to talk about the mythical bridges of tomorrow that every Louisville politician likes to dangle before the masses (yeah, the bridges that don't exist but have been discussed for DECADES).

Although I don't think Yarmuth has the charisma that Conway had last election (and face it, ya gotta have charisma in this age of TV-n-whutnot) I do think that running a local campaign on national issues this go-around is smart. It's especially smart since Anne (your MILF-ish days are over) is unarguably a partyline Bush-ite that needs to eat that crow with all her politial kin.

Free Ice, Live Bait and the Coldest Beer in Town

2006-09-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

...claimed many a sign on my trip back to Loo-uh-vuhl. I went on the dragon through DeaI's Gap (pictures should be up soon for 9/17/06) one last time on the way out and made it home in about 6 hours. My ass hurts (you can click it, it's not a picture of my ass) and I got a little too much sun. I'll be asleep for the next few days.

Boiled Peanuts and the Library at the End of the Universe

2006-09-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

I'm in the Bryson City, NC library because the MC lodge wireless was too spotty. Plus, the campground magic was gone as of last night. The element I was worried about in the first place showed up in droves for the weekend (i.e. honkies with trailer queens and case-upon-case of Bud Light , violating the un-enforced campground quiet hours).

So I'm at the point now where I'm gonna get a $3 quart of boiled peanuts at the roadside vendor (you know you're in the South when...), go back to the campground and catch several straight hours of college football Saturday, drink until I'm wobbly and then head home on Sunday morning so I can actually finish this goddamned project.

Go Vols...Go Red Raiders!

At the Mythical Misty Mountain Motorcycle Campground

2006-09-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

We'll I found what I was looking for and more at Ironhorse Mc Campground in Stecoah, NC. I'm blogging as I look out at misty mountain tops. Home cooked spaghetti smells are competing with mountain honeysuckle as I listen to the babbling trout stream 20 yards in front of me. In the background I hear road-weary riders regaling each other with tales of great routes, fine machines, and near spills.

I road in yesterday through Hwy 129 a.k.a. The Tail of the Dragon (318 curves in 11 miles!) at Deal's Gap in the heart of the Smokie Mountains. I followed behind an east-bound storm system most of the way from Louisville and caught it just before nightfall south of Knoxville. So I rode the dragon s-l-o-w and my rear wheel still drifted on some mossy curves. My ass hurts and my hands are stained black from the leather die in my rain-soaked gloves (note: don't forget rain gloves when packing rain gear next time).

Today I slept late and then took Hwy 28 to the Cherokee Indian Reservation in Cherokee, NC, the ancestral home of some of my wife's family. I visited the Museum of the Cherokee Indian, ran by the Eastern Band of Cherokees. This reservation was nothing like the poverty stricken hell holes that our government created for many of the plains and warrior-horse cultures out west. It was good to see that there is a thriving community of Native Americans, living in their stunning ancestral home.

OK, I'm off to do some more research for school. I'm hitting the Blue Ridge Parkway tomorrow.

The Hunt for the Mythical Misty Mountain Motorcycle Campground

2006-09-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

"The open road is a beckoning, a strangeness, a place where a man can lose himself."
--William Least Heat Moon

Yep, the road beckons once again but I have the last of my school work to do. So next week I'm taking the motorsickle and my laptop on a trip to ride nice roads by day and finish my master's project by night. First I need to find a Mythical Misty Mountain Motorcycle Campground that:

has wi-fi

is within a 6-hour drive of Lou-a-vuhl

has excellent MC touring routes, preferably near Deal's Gap

is not full of drunken yuppie-biker wannabes

I've actually found one place that meets most of my criteria, but looks iffy on criteria #4 (hmm - criteria or criterium?).

Last night I called the place where I really wanted to stay and the conversation went like this:

"Campground...kin eya hep yeh?"
"Yeah, I'm coming down that way next week and saw your site on the internet. I was wondering if you guys have wi-fi?"
"Whut you sayin?"
"WI-FI"
"I duuno whutcher sayin."
"Do you have wireless internet access?"
"Uh...no. Why would we have that?"
"OK, nevermind. Thanks."

The hunt continues...

IT IS NOT I WHO ARE CRAZY, IT IS ME WHO ARE MAD!

2006-08-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

I deleted the last K-Fed post because of the work related content and the fact that I'm a pussy.

In other news, I'm working on a podcast idea inspired by the late Jeff Robins a.k.a. Docktor Ygrundus Quimby of Tucson's best late-night radio show, The Machine Shop on KXCI.

Yours in Christ,

Dave

The Moon is in the Seventh House with Shit Rising

2006-08-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

This may be whiny,but I've always felt like a bad-luck magnet. I get a reprieve every now and again, but there are ominous cycles out there and I'm prone to them. For example:

When I was 10, a new Swedish student broke my skull- I was on deck, he was at bat, he didn't know about the lay-the-bat-down rule and flung the bat right at my right orbital socket. A few days later my mom made me go to 5th grade graduation with a baby-blue/pirate-like eye patch to cover my (by then) hideously bruised and swollen face.

When I was 15 I (along with all the passengers of the car) got cited for Minor in Possession of Alcohol (it was in the back seat of my panicky friend's car), but I didn't drink yet.

When I was 17, I was arrested for criminal trespassing (read: swimming in a 'no swim zone' in the lazy Guadalupe River), released and then held by the cops for illegally skateboarding the following night. OK, these were actually completely my fault, but in light of all the bad people in the world, I think the cops were really reaching that week.

My wife, who notoriously drives like a bat out of hell in her red truck, has never received a speeding ticket in her life. I on the other hand,drive a station wagon and get one speeding ticket per/year on average and am known to drive like a grandma. I usually get cited for 35 in a 30 mph zone or 64 in a 60 mph zone. On time I got two speeding tickets in one day - 60ish in a 55 mph (x 2) zone on a deserted highway in West Texas.

But that brings me to today - another small chapter in the bad luck tale. On my way to facilitate some offsite training this morning, this asshole looks right at me, runs his truck into my car and dents up the rear wheel fender. Then when I get to the training, I bend over to release a door stopper and close the doors to the classroom when wwwwriiuuuppp, my pants split on the right inseam. It's real fun cracking ventilation jokes all day to play off the fact that you're embarrassed as hell to be in front of a crowd with a rip in your Dockers 7 inches from your dick, the boys, and those boxer-briefs that Ladyfriend thinks are so sexy. If I'm counting blessings and all that shit, I'm not hurt and at least my pants didn't rip up my crotch or ass crack. So I took the car to the shop, got my rental car (Progressive Insurance rocks BTW), and came home to a shitty email.

Remember the post before about the graph paper? After a total of 6 stores we still couldn't find the paper so we just bought loose leaf, put it in a three ring binder and sent a very polite email to the teacher saying that we hope this would suffice. So I get home today and the teacher flamed me about how I should call ahead or go online to see if they have all my supply needs. WTF? Does he honestly believe that any store inventory will be accurate anywhere near the first week of school?? He then went on to tell me the name of the store where I could get said graph-binder. So we're just caving and will buy the shit from his store. You gotta pick your battles right? Shit.