Monday, April 21, 2008

Lawn Nazis

Open Letter to Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Seminary and My Annoying Neighbor

Why do you Southern Baptists across the street insist on mowing your expansive lawn at 7:00am? On Monday, no less! It's bad enough that it's Monday and we're all getting over earthquake inspired sleep deprivation, but GODDAMMIT why do you seminarians have to fuck with me at 7am? I don't stroll down Albert Mohler Way at 11pm shouting drunken obscenities to your nicely tucked-in student dormitories. I could and have thought about it often, my weird ass neighbor, but I don't. Why? Because unlike you and your lawn mowing staff, I keep to myself.

You have to ask yourself Al, "When would Jesus mow?" Answer that bubba. And for the love of Christ, please adjust your mowing schedule for those of us who get laid at night, drink beer, go to bed after 10pm and/or live across the street from your shitty seminary.

Eat my ass,

Dr. Dave Chingasa
Yeti-Labs for Lawn Maintenance
Crimson Fortress

Monday, April 14, 2008

Girly Man