Monday, April 16, 2007

O Fortuna - You Bitch

All that talk about "...positive thinking makes eveyting better," is absolute BULLSHIT. Good things and bad things all come down to an esoteric and indeterminate ratio of action and luck so well expressed in the following medieval poem (and modern opera).

No operas will be written about Jack Welch, Dale Carnegie, or The Secret (as seen on Oprah -ack)


O Fortuna

O luck,
like the moon
changeable in state,
you are always waxing
or waning;
hateful life
is one moment hard
and the next moment watches over
the mind's playful acumen;
it melts like ice.

Fate monstrous
and empty,
a whirling wheel you are;
if badly placed
health is vain-
it can ever be dissolved;
and veiled
you harass me too;
now at the gaming table
my bare back
I bring to your villainy.

The luck of health
and strength
is against me,
is attacked
and ruined
all the time, in your service.
In this hour
without delay
sweep the sounding strings;
and for that which, by lot,
overthrows the strong man,
weep with me, all of you!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Remember That Time I Was Possessed by Satan?

OK, this is TMI, but the picture is priceless (IMHO) and not of my balls, which are fine thank you.

After a botched and very painful (in-office/local anesthetic) vasectomy in 1999 while in the USAF, my urologist and I decided that this time, I should go completely under in an O.R. The point being that he needed to do more than the usual snip-snip to see what the USAF botched, and to (attempt) ensure a relatively painless ordeal for me.

Well appreantly after they knocked me out, my auto-response to intubation was to violently cough, and heave my torso, flail my arms, and shake my head. Which means the nurse and anesthesiologist had to "restrain" said big honky torso.

So now my entire upper body feels like I went 10 rounds with Ali. My face and eye sockets are bruised and the whites of my eyes are completely red with internal bleeding. My nuts feel fine though. Gotta love irony.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Walk Like a Camel..toe?

Pardon my if you find me walking funny for several days. Tomorrow is Vasectomy Redux, the Search for Lefty.