They Say a Picture is Worth 1000 Words

The Wrath of God!

Remember last year when right-wing evangelical Christians were shouting from the mountain about how the hurricane season and all the natural disasters were a sign of God's unhappiness with 'Merica? They claimed that America's collective sin caused all that blowback from the almighty. I thought that was a full bag of shit, but maybe I was wrong.



The Atlantic hurricane season is officially over without a single hurricane hitting the US this year...the year America woke up and the pendulum began to swing back to the left. Maybe those evengelicals had the mechanism right all along, but just misinterpreted the details a little.

Church Pews For Sale

My church is under renovation to accomodate more members and we are selling our pews. The picture is not an actual picture of the ones for sale, but ours are similiar. They are great for coffee houses, parlors, living/reading rooms, make an interesting book shelf, etc. They can be easily sawed in half for tight spaces or to make two benches. They are solid oak with no engravings, no symbols, and have a removable seating pad.


If you are in the Louisville area and are interested, contact Todd Eklof at the number below. Act fast - I think there are only about 9 pews left at $150/each. What a great way to make your living/working space more interesting.


For more info, contact Rev. Todd F. Eklof at (502) 895-3189 or todd@cliftonunitarian.org .

iPodage - Recent Baker's Dozen

***idea blatantly stolen w/o permission from The Blog of Lewd Enlightenment***

I'm a fan of self-disclosure as a means of improving communication and strengthening bonds between people...so I'm copying my friend Steve by way of occasional posts on a random selection of 13 tunes from my iPod.

1. The Mercy Seat - Johnny Cash
2. Nesbitt's Lime Soda - Negativland
3. Gubelye (My Gubel) - Mulatu Astatqe
4. Changes - Black Sabbath
5. Ghost Riders in the Sky - Marty Robbins
6. Traffic Boom - Pierro Piccioni
7. Ugly Truth - Soundgarden
8. Pyramid Song - Radiohead
9. King of Men - Reverend Glasseye
10. Heart Attack - The Moaners
11. The Playboy Channel - Negativland
12. Eclipse - Pink Floyd
13. Stanley Joe - The Meat Purveyors

The New Face of Unemployment

Groovy old-guy hat courtesy of Ladyfriend and the Unique Thirft Store

Shaggy-esque chin hair thanks to 5 weeks sans dress code

Pissed-off look brought to you by insomnia at 4:00 am

Hours of Wasted Time II - Art Work...Dope

I've also developed an addiction to YouTube.

Hours of Wasted Time - Guaranteed!

Oh the joys of being unemployed...check this out. The line rider game may replace solitaire and minesweeper as the leader in corporate time-theft.



Make your own at:

http://www.linerider.org/

In Honor of Our New Aggie Secretary of Defense

Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot? He flew 22 missions.

How do you sink a submarine which is manned by Aggies? Have a diver knock on the hatch.

How do you get a Texas A&M graduate off your front porch? You pay for the pizza.

A Longhorn, a Red Raider and an Aggie went into a bar for a drink. The longhorn tells the bartender, I'll have a TC. The bartender says ''what's that?" . The Longhorn says ''you know, a Tom Collins." The Techster says ''I'll have a PC." The bartender says ''what's that?" The Techster says "a Pina Colida." The Aggie says "I'll have a 15." The bartender says ''what's that?" The aggie says "you know -- seven & seven".

An Aggie went in to see his advisor, who said, "I want you to take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asked the Aggie. "Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a Weed-eater?" "Why, yes, I do," replied the Aggie. "OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!" "Amazing," gushed the young rube. "And," continued the professor, "since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house." "I do! I do!" exclaimed the boy. "And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a heterosexual." "Gaaaa-lee!" said the Aggie. "That logic is sump'n else!" He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's going to take. "I'm gonna take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asks Buck. "OK," says the Aggie, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?" "Uh, no," relies Buck. The Aggie pauses a bit and says, "You're QUEER, ain'tcha".

Four college students are traveling in an airplane that is low on fuel. First, the Wolverine yells "this is for Michigan!" and leaps to his death. Next, the Buckeye gets up, yells "this is for Ohio State!" and jumps to his death. Finally, the Longhorn steps forward, yells "this is for Texas!", and throws the Aggie out.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you -- they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side -- they're Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?"
The guy thinks for a second. "I guess not," he said. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Two Aggies encounter a large German Shepard licking his balls. One Aggie says to the other, "I wish I could do that." His friend replied, "If you pet him real nice, he might let you."

Did you hear the Texas A&M library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet. The George H. Bush Memorial library burned down too. They lost their book.

Q: What does the average Aggie football player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Vote!

I Got That Freaky Bunco Feeling

My mom used to host bunco parties. Two hours prior to the party my dad, my brother, and I were tasked with every minor cleaning detail and Mom made some food that smelled really good. Then we were politely asked to make ourselves scarce for 2 hours and not disturb the bunco party. Dad would go hit some golf balls, my brother would go terrorize the neighborhood kids, but I would silently sit in my room fascinated with the screams of "BUUUUNCO!" from poofy haired, uber-conservative ladies that taught Sunday School classes down at the First Baptist Church. I couldn't believe that these were the same women who warbled out 'Old Rugged Cross' and chided me for chewing on the pews when I was bored during church. I think one of them even flicked me by the ear once when I made up my own lyrics to the old spiritual that they were butchering with old-lady falsetto & excessive vibrato. "I will NEVER sit, where the OLD LADIES sing," I cried in sync with, "I will cling to that old rugged cross..." True to my version of the song, I never again made the mistake of sitting in the audibly annoying old-lady section of the church. But I digress.



I'm wondering if my son is having similar feeling or what if anything is going through his mind at this moment. A few hours ago, we were tasked with helping to just "pick up" around the house - a task that turned into a major cleaning effort. I ditched most of it for a nice football-nap. Ladyfriend had us cleaning for her board meeting with the Derby City Roller Girls. She made white chili. I love chili. So at this moment I've been kicked upstairs and Rick has to take care of the dog while playing World-of-Warcraft in his room. Is he fascinated with them, angry with them? Will he hold resentment for Roller Girls and mock them at their upcoming bouts as I did the old church ladies? These ladies are hot though; they are NOT the butterscotch eating, creepy old church ladies. Nevertheless, there is a parallel! Maybe I need to take up golf.

Kick-Ass Meatless Chili

I'm not a vegetarian, but for the last few months I've reduced the amount of meat I consume, especially red meat/mammals because I have high blood pressure, with a thick family history of cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. Plus I'm kinda a hippie at heart, despite my big-honky appeal. I love to cook, and obviously eat, so I'm trying new recipes. One dish I've traditionally made with great pride is chili. I just finished my first try at Chili sans meat, and I gotta say that I like it. This is a "spicy" recipe, but not hot at all. So here's a recipe for all you vegetarians and/or flexitarians out there:

Ingredients:

12oz Yves Good Ground (soy)
2 white or yellow onions,diced
15 oz dark red kidney beans
1 dried ancho pepper, seeded
32 oz of tomatoes (i like to puree fresh assorted tomatoes myself, this latest try it was grape and roma tomatoes)
2-3 oz chili powder
1-2 tsp cumin
dash of bourbon or cheap beer
1 tsp dried oregano
fresh cilantro
2 tsp peanut oil
salt to taste
2 tsp unsweetened cocoa
dash cinnamon
4.5 oz of diced green chile peppers

for those who like hot and spicy chili I recommend:
- using Tony Chachere's Original Seasoning in place of salt
- tobasco sauce to taste


Directions

Prep- dice onions. Using a blender or food processor, puree tomatoes, seeded ancho peppers, and green chiles

- Using a dutch oven or stew pot, brown the onions in the oil
- when onions are nearly clear, add all the spices and a dash of salt stir until coated.
- add splash of beer or bourbon, take a sip yourself, stir
- add pure'd tomatoes/chiles (it looks pink and nasty and that's OK)
- bring heat mix to a slow boil then cover and reduce heat to low
- stir/check mix every 10 minutes, add salt, chile powder to adjust taste
- after 30-40 minutes of this add ground soy-meat and kidney beans (drained if in a can)
- garnish with freshly chopped (for the aroma) cilantro and white onions
- goes great with cornbread
- adding spaghetti is considered blasphemous


Food picturres always suck, but here it is anyways...

Bad Dad

I have to pick up Rick from jazz band practice every Wednesday after school and I felt like a big loser today. I was wearing my leather motorcycle jacket, a jungle hat, house slippers, and dirty clothes. The dog and I rolled up in the truck while cranking Sepultura's "Territory".



If I stay unemployeed too much longer I fear I'll have to go ahead and get the mumu (sp?), the Dom Deluise hat, and apply for fat-guy ADA benefits.

Good news though, I have a potential interview soon as an HR Manager.